In the past couple of weeks I have discovered that I am starting to have real success in the MKMMA. It is like I have been living in a thick fog, wandering around trying to find my way. The fog has lifted, and I can see clearly now.
I understand what Mark meant when he was talking about us having a “Response-Ability”. We can choose to react the way that we are used to, to get a hit of peptides that our cells crave. The comfortable, familiar response… or we can recognize that we have a choice as to how we respond. Change the way we react, and try to rebuild our blueprint with intention.
I have always needed other people’s acceptance and approval. I have a hard time trusting my instincts and decisions. I don’t think I am good enough or smart enough or talented enough to decide things for myself. So, I let other people lead me around by the nose. I let them sway me one way or the other based on what they think or believe. This is one aspect of my old blueprint that I want to change. I have it written into my DMP.
Today, I had a battle of the blueprints.
I love Bath and Body Works. I buy all kinds of products, and even promote them to others when I can. I kind of have a bit of an addiction. I just love when they have sales and coupons. I have to try anything that is new in the store.
They had an incredible sale on candles today. I have bought a few candles during the holidays in the past and I have a few favorites. So, I went in to buy a few for myself. While I was in the store I ran into a sales clerk that I have gotten to know. She was talking with a fellow sales clerk about what she currently has at home and how great the candles are. So, overhearing this I asked her if they were as good as the candles I had in my bag. She told me that she thought the ones she had at home were better. So of course, I thought twice and bought the candles I have never tried, and had thought to myself were not as nice as the ones I had before and knew I liked. I had trusted her opinion over my own.
When I got them home, I lit them and hoped that the scent would grow stronger and carry as far as my old favorites had. I had burned one of them for 2 hours and couldn’t smell more than what an unscented dollar store candle would give off. I will be returning to the store and exchanging them for the ones I should have bought in the first place. I will have to pay full price for the candles as the one day sale is over. I guess that is the price to pay for second guessing myself.
It feels like I have an angel and a devil on my shoulders. The old blueprint being the devil, making me choose to act in ways that are familiar to me. I am trying to do what is right and make better choices, but it has proven to be difficult.
Not to mention, that once I let my old blueprint take control, I stress out over it and beat myself up. Not a good thing to do when I am trying to build self-confidence.
I will learn from my mistakes and continue to change the world within.