First, let me apologize for this post being a bit late this week. I was having a hard time deciding whether or not I should post a “vanilla” blog post about what we were supposed to do this week, or pull back the curtains and let everyone see my life and my journey for what it really is.
As I mentioned last week, I have a hard time making decisions and I allow other people’s opinions to make an impact on me. I have learned to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself. I am often worried about what others might think.
This is one of those times.
I have done a lot of soul searching and have decided that it has been my old blueprint and my ego getting in the way. I am going to change all of that now. I am going to tell the truth, the whole story and let the chips fall where they may.
During the webinar this week, we were told a story about a bear coming into a camp, who ends up hugging a kettle and being unable to let it go eventually burns to death. Not a nice ending for Mr. Bear. We were to remind ourselves of this story when we are holding onto negative thoughts, so we will choose to change our minds and think of something positive instead.
I went through my week doing my readings and writing out index cards. I have been on my mental diet, but I have fallen off a few times this week. Ending up in tears. I have been feeling ill and have had more headaches this week than I have had in the last year. I am trying to stay positive, but it has been difficult.
Here’s the thing. In the last few years, we have had financial problems. We are considered a low income family. We are clients of the local food bank and receive our hamper every month, along with supplements and additional assistance when we can. We were asked last year if we would be willing to do an interview for the news telling our story. We agreed to do it, because we wanted to give back and do something for the food bank. Here is that interview:
Since then I have joined a network marketing company and have tried to change my image. You know, “Fake it ’til you make it”. I figured nobody has seen this video and it has been a year so it wouldn’t matter.
We have still been using the food bank every month for the past year and We registered with the food bank and the Salvation Army for our Christmas hamper and toys for the kids.
This year is especially tight being that my husband has received a Christmas bonus the last couple of years, but this year no one at his place of employment is receiving a bonus. We also were expecting a Christmas check that has been lost in the postal system. So any money we were expecting, we won’t be getting.
We picked up our hamper at the beginning of the month but had a form that we were to turn in at the Salvation Army Community church on the night of the 17th.
On the 16th I received an email from a representative of the food bank. She said that she was contacted by the woman who did the interview for the news last year and was wondering if we would be willing to run the story again this year. I wasn’t sure what to do. So I didn’t respond.
On Thursday evening, my husband dropped me off at the Salvation Army church. I was greeted in the lobby by a woman at a table. She took my form and gave me two slips of paper, one for each of the boys and instructed me to sit and wait in the sanctuary. They were watching a movie on the projector screen. I went in and sat in one of the pews. I sat there watching the movie.
A film called “Silver Bells” about an overly win-driven sportscaster goes too far and must perform community service during December as a bell-ringer for the Salvation Army. I was surprised to learn that the change is deposited into a “kettle” when the bell-ringers collect donations. I continued watching the movie surrounded by green triangles and red circles decorated in twinkling lights.
Eventually I was called back into the lobby and was met by a friendly volunteer who told me that she was my assistant for the toy selection. I was guided down the stairs into a huge room filled with tables of gifts. My assistant grabbed a shopping cart and two large sacks to put the toys into. She told me that I could choose a selection of toys for both the boys, along with a book, a puzzle and a stuffed animal.
The tables were piled high with toys, and I couldn’t help but see how each donation makes such a difference. The power of growth. I selected toys for the little ones and filled their bags. We came to a huge bin filled to overflowing with stuffed animals. Mostly bears. I chose one for each of the boys.
We finished up our “shopping” and tied the bags up. On the way out the door I was asked if I would be willing to sign a Christmas cutout with a message for the volunteers. I was more than willing to fill out one, letting them know how grateful I was to be given so much during this time of the year. Without the generosity and compassion of the Interfaith Food Bank and Salvation Army, we probably would not have a Christmas for our boys. We are so grateful for all that we have received, and are so very thankful.
When I came home that night, I also sent a message to the representative of the food bank letting her know that we are willing to run the story again this year.
I am so very grateful for all of the blessings in my life. I am transforming my mind, and changing the world within. I am building my life with intention. I have written into my DMP that I want to be financially secure and provide a better life for my family. This week I have decided something else. I want to give back. I want to fill the kettle of the Salvation Army. I want to give big bear hugs to all of the volunteers and let them know how much their assistance means to the ones who need it. I want to help others, I want to give more, I want to “love the poor for they are so many”. I am following my compass. I am on my way. I will persist until I succeed.