Happy New Year!
This is the time of year when people make resolutions. They make a decision to change their lives for the better. They want to lose weight, stop drinking and smoking, eat healthier, and get out of debt. They also want to have more – More time with family, more money in a savings account, more knowledge, and more romance.
New Years resolutions are always made with the best of intentions, unfortunately only 8% of people are successful in achieving their resolution. Another 49% have infrequent success. Finally, 24% of people never succeed and fail on their resolution each year. Why is this I wonder?
I used to make resolutions myself. Usually the same resolution year after year- To quit smoking. I had been smoking for a long time. Fifteen years or more. I knew it wasn’t good for my health or my wallet, so I would decide each year to quit. I would put forth effort for a few days, maybe a week or more. Then I would give into temptation. I would have a smoke with a friend, telling myself that I wouldn’t buy a pack. It would be alright, I just slipped up. Then I would have a couple more and soon enough, I would be buying a pack and then a carton. I would beat myself up for not being strong enough. I would be ashamed of myself. I was an addict. I would resign myself to the fact that it just couldn’t be done.
Then on January 18th, 2012 I found out I was pregnant. Not just pregnant, but almost in my third trimester! I had only a couple of months to stop smoking. My husband and I both decided to quit. We quit cold turkey and by the time the baby was born, he came home to a smoke free environment. We found our reason to quit. We had a burning desire to stop. The love we had for that little miracle changed everything. We have been smoke free for almost 4 years now.
This week we started a new scroll, which is the most challenging for me so far. I am nature’s greatest miracle. I have been able to buy into everything I have read so far, but this was ridiculous. I rolled my eyes and continued reading. I was shocked to read the line, None can produce my child. I started to cry. I have always had low self-esteem, it has something I have known for a long time and have been working on improving. I never thought I was special or unique. I have made a promise to myself to make sure my children know just how special, unique and important they are. I want them to have self-confidence and pride in themselves. Why as a mother do I have such love and appreciation for my children and not have the same for myself. I didn’t quit smoking for my own health and well being, but it was so simple to do it for my children.
I used to be religious and go to church when I was young, but I lost faith and stopped considering myself a religious person. Since having my children, I am starting to feel a connection again. When I got to the line, I was conceived in love and brought forth with a purpose. I thought about the creator and recalled that He is also known as our Heavenly Father.
At that moment, I realized that I don’t love myself the way I should. I need to remind myself daily that I am whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious and happy. I need to love myself and believe that I deserve more. I need to clean off the cement that has been smothering me. The old blueprint. I need to think only healthy, loving, positive thoughts.
This is my New Years resolution. To learn to love ME.