MKMMA – Week 18 & 19

Everyone has been asked this silly question at least once before, but I am going to ask it again now.

If you could be any animal, which one would you be and why?

I have been asked this several times before and I have thought of many creatures I would like to be. A dolphin, a penguin, a  red panda, a wolf, a seahorse…. and a rainbow unicorn.

Yeah, I know… it’s a mythical creature. I think it is fun, and we should include mythical creatures as well.

I have recently felt a real connection to a different creature. The Phoenix.

I am sure most of you are aware of what a phoenix is, but just in case you are not familiar with them… I will let Dumbledore explain.

So, during week 18 I had come down with a terrible cold (I think it may have been Influenza, but I didn’t see a doctor.) I was feeling so bad I was not able to function. I spent most of my time on the couch with a box of tissues and several types of medication for all of my symptoms. At one point I actually thought about how some people might actually say, “I feel so awful I wish I were dead”. I had been reading the obituaries as Mark had asked us to, so I knew better. I did wonder if it would feel any worse going through really bad drug withdrawals.  Then I had an epiphany. Mark had told  us that we had to let our old associative memory`s sense of self die and that we would be going through the stages of grief. What if this sickness was my body responding physically to the death of my old blueprint. I actually was going through withdrawals… from an addiction to old thoughts, behaviors and those nasty peptides. A psychological detox, a cleanse of the world within.

One night after reading scroll V, I fell asleep and started to dream. In my dream I was sitting in a chair in a hospital room. I knew that I was there visiting a friend of mine. She had been a victim of a horrible accident and was in a coma. She was on life support and the doctors had decided they would be pulling the plug. I held her hand and thought of all the times she was there for me. I thought about her life and all the challenges she had faced. She certainly did not have it easy. She was one tough cookie. I started to cry. I knew it would soon be time.  I looked up and saw a young girl standing in the doorway watching me. “Oh hello.” I greeted her, “I didn’t see you there.” She smiled. “That’s okay. I just wanted to be here when it happens.” I nodded. The young girl moved into the room. “Do you know who she is?” she asked. At that moment, I realized that I couldn’t remember her name. How is it that I know we are friends, but I don’t remember her name. “Take a good look at her. Maybe it might help you remember.” She suggested. I moved closer to the bed and examined the face of my friend in the bed. I was shocked! She looked exactly like me! Just then the doctor and a nurse come into the room. “It’s time.” I hear the doctor say. The young girl takes my hand. I know the time has come. I nod. She is gone. We walk out of the room and out of the hospital. It is a bright summer day. The sun feels warm and there is a soft breeze. “I’m sorry for your loss.”she pauses a moment, “I just want you to know that I am here for you.” At that moment I realize I recognize the young girl. She is my golden self. My inner child. I give her a big hug. Then I woke up. I believe that this was a sign that I have gone through the five stages of grief. When the dream had ended I had a feeling of acceptance.

In week 19, I started to feel much better. I actually felt like I was healthier than I have been in a long time.For the past month we have been training ourselves to practice 5 habits that are the formula for happiness. I believe this is why I feel so great. The cement is falling off. We have learned about the goal posts and that achievements are not power. We are in control of our thoughts and therefore our happiness. We have also learned about the superhero pose and how the body can train the brain to feel confident. This is great when combined with the flash cards. I plan to continue using these habits to become a greater version of myself. I have a feeling of hope. I feel happier. I feel more confident. Like I can do things that I was afraid to even attempt before. Just like the phoenix , I have been reborn from the ashes. Now I just need to learn how to fly. I am excited to see what the future holds. 

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